Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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