at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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