There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
