i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
