my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
