I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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