So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
