he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
