So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
