Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
