dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
