I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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