He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
