saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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