why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
