I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
