Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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