Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
