in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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