i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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