I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
this beer tastes like vomit already
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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