I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
