I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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