In America we eat man semen.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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