I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Semen is not good for contacts.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
