Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
