And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
