Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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