ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
