no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
