That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
