my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
