when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
