he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
