Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
