would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
