He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
