i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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