How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
