he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
