Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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