Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
