If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
