I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
