so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
