it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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