So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
