why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
