There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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