he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
